Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
