I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize