he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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