you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
