If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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