duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
