oh god the rape fog is back!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
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