I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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