i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
