I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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