I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?