I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
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apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
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Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.