so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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