the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I AM VODKA MAN
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious