Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
