first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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