How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
