I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
