she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
