We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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