i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
