Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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