after a month anything with tits is on the radar
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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