Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
