I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
