the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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