He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
whose parrot is this?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
