laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
