my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Church boner. Awkwardddd
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
