I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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