it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
