My hair reeks of homosexuality.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize