I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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