Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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