He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
