You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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