my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize