i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
