I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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