Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
