I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
