im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
