those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
