Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
