she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
