It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
