I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
