I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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