i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
