if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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