Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
this beer tastes like vomit already
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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