Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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