Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
