So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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