Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
