So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize