I'm gonna have a badass scar
I puked a lego.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
