Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
