Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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