At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Damn victory sex feels great
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