When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
