dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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