Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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