So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
