Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
