Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
He better not be in your backpack
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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