You really coming over, don't trick.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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