he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
