I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
