College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
