"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
