next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
