I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
