in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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