he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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