i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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