if you like me you must not know who I am
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
