I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The power of my boobs compel you
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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