ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
