Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am one with the molecules
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
