when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
