you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
