I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
