So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i love accidental penises.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
