im six kinds of drunk right now
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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