i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
