I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
