I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
