1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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