Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Randomize
